How to Stop Feeling Ostracized Amongst Peers

young girl depressed image

Feeling ostracized by peers is still too common.

I believe that never before has the need been so great to fit in amongst one’s peers as it is now.

It seems that each time you turn to the news you read about or hear about another child or teenager who has been a recent victim of bullying.

For every one of them you read about, there are countless others who are enduring the same detrimental experiences. It would seem that too many today are going along with bullies, or those who run other people’s lives because they are too afraid to take a stand and do the right thing.

Do you know what doing the right thing is?

That would be acting upon what you think is right and what you know to be true!

There have been many psychological studies demonstrating the need to confirm or fit in throughout the last 50 years. For whatever reason, even though technology has flourished and society has more knowledge and wisdom than it ever has, too many people, especially teens continue to go with the status quo even though they know that it is wrong.

Why is that though?

Two things have never changed according to developmental psychology; identity formation and Looking Glass Self.

Erik Erikson was the famous psychologist who developed the 8 stages of life that people evolve through. When it comes to teens, individuals go through what is called Identity Achievement versus Identity Confusion. Those who are able to develop a sense of good self-esteem and make good decisions are able to form good and positive identities.

Conversely, those who struggle and are confused do not form good self-esteem. When you feel bad about yourself or feel you don’t fit in, this is when you are more likely to compromise your beliefs and values.

At this point here, you begin to do whatever it takes to not feel ostracized even if it means “fitting in” for all of the wrong reasons. This only creates greater chaos throughout one’s adolescent years and eventually poses greater self-esteem issues as they become a young adult.

The second thing that is still a constant in adolescence is the concept of “Looking Glass Self“.

Teens tend to associate with other teens who are mirrored reflections of themselves. You see the problem with this is if one doesn’t have a good self-concept and they choose a similar individual, two “wronged” self concepts do not add up to a right thus perpetuating greater problems.

Even worse, too many would rather fit in and not know who they really are rather than leaving associates who are bad influencers in order to do the right thing. And where does this leave us?

Being true to yourself!

It is important to start standing up for your beliefs and what you know is right. You see, when you don’t you begin becoming more highly critical of yourself at an unconscious level and this only adds to a feeling of torment and bitterness.

In fact, you start to ostracize yourself for behaving in ways that you really didn’t want to in the first place just to “fit in” so you wouldn’t be ostracized. When it comes to conforming to what others want, you lose sight of what it is that you really want.

Be true to yourself!

If you need further help with assertiveness check out this resource here.

Dr Peter
Staff Writer
Free At Last Hypnosis

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