Estranged Adult Children – The Parents Side of the Story
by Erika Slater
No one ever said being a parent would be a “walk in the woods” – I’ve had three myself, on and some days it feels more like “climbing Everest without oxygen!”
In fact, once you’re a parent, you’re always a parent for life. You never stop worrying about your kids because they’re a part of you, and no matter how old they are, they’ll always be your ‘wee’ ones.
So when your kids go through difficult or trying times, you want to do anything and everything to fix things, making sure they’re okay. After all, you’re their parent and its part of the unwritten job description.
A lot has been written about kids going growing up and the changes they encounter and have to make, but not much material or attention has been focused on the other side as regards the impact on parents.
Although helping them is your best intention because you love and worry about them, it’s important to realize these challenges can be hard on you, and you have to have coping mechanisms in place so you don’t lose your own mind along the way.
There’s also the concern your attempts at helping them can be seen by your children as interfering and causing the distance between you both to widen.
WHAT’S HAPPENING TO MY CHILD?
Sometimes it can help to understand the changes your child is experiencing both physically and mentally to provide the space and support they need to avoid constant confrontation between you both.
Apart from the hormone changes their body is experiencing they’re also growing in mental awareness and making choices with their peers influence more than yours, along with becoming concerned about philosophy, politics and social issues.
Often times, when your kids enter their teen years, and eventually their young adult years, they go through trying times.
They’re looking to find or create their own identities, creating realistic goals, finding out what it is they want to do in life, dating and starting relationships, getting caught up in peer pressures, and of course relating to you, now as adults.
It seems the dynamics of their lives and relationships are constantly changing, and they question you the parent, as well as themselves.
You’ll be reminded your adult kids are “Just finding their way” in life, or “Going through a phase.” I know this doesn’t sound very comforting, but rest assured these are growing pains which will make them better individuals.
As a matter of fact, remember you most likely went through these ‘phases’ yourself!
WHAT’S GOOD FOR YOU?
The amount of stress you could experience going through your adult kids’ ‘phases’ of storm and stress can be overwhelming. It’s important you not become stressed out to the point whereby it’s diminishing the quality and satisfaction in your own life and relationships with other family members and friends.
Too often, parents take what their adult kids are going through as a personal reflection of their failure as a parent.
When this happens, parents tend to not only second guess their abilities in being a good parent, but also the confidence they have in themselves as being an overall good person.
You have to believe in yourself as a person and a parent, and sometimes one’s negative self-talk can bring you down.
Certainly if you feel the distance between you and your adult child is too wide a gulf to bridge without help, and you both recognize this and want to do something about it, then professional family therapy may be an avenue to explore.
Many times though even if you want to do something about it your adult child doesn’t or isn’t ready to try. If this is your situation, then Hypnosis is can be an option for getting one’s mind back on track.
It’s an excellent option for two reasons…
First of all, hypnosis can help ‘de-stress’ you. When you’re stressed out over situations you’ve no control over, it can weigh heavily on you and begin to take a toll on your body and mind. This can lead to physical ailments as well as mental health issues. Hypnosis can help you to relax both your mind and body.
Secondly, hypnosis can also help build self-confidence. If you’ve gotten to the point whereby you’re questioning your abilities as a parent, hypnosis can help reaffirm the qualities in the past that made you a ‘good’ parent, and prepare you with more post-hypnotic suggestions in order for you to feel even better about yourself going forward. If you want to consider working directly with me through my online or in-office sessions then check out my Special Hypnosis Services Programs or if you’ve a more specific need around this topic then contact me here.
Alternatively, here’s a self-hypnosis session to check out to see if it can help reduce your stress over having an estranged adult child >>>
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES RELATED TO ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN:
When the Ties that Bind Unravel?
Pattern Interrupt – Breaking the Habit – Erika Slater
Overcoming a Troubled Childhood – Moving Beyond Adult Chains >>>
The Growing Child: Adolescent Years
Library of Self-Hypnosis Downloads Products >>>
Erika Slater CH
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