How to Put the Spark Back in Your Relationship
by Erika Slater
Most people who get married or are in long-term relationships at some point feel, or acknowledge the spark that was once aflame with passion, which ignited the need for you to be around one another, has burned down to a flicker.
In some cases, the spark has just simply extinguished!
No one said the ‘spark’ would last forever, and that the wonderful chemistry both of you felt in the beginning would endure at that level for the rest of the relationship.
After all, this is the magic seen in fairy tales, romance novels and soap operas. Too many people buy into this ‘magic’ as if it’s a reality of a long-term relationship, rather than realizing anything and everything in life will become ‘commonplace’, habitual and even mundane.
That is not necessarily a bad thing when you’re content, and grateful for whom and what you have.
Nonetheless there does comes a time when you begin to wonder if you can ever get the spark back and if you can’t then what’s staring at you for the rest of this relationship?
Mundane is a negative word but for most at this point in the relationship it does describe where things have got for them.
But that’s all about to change… if you’re ready for change.
FALLING INTO THE PREDICTABLE TRAP:
Many relationships will seem or become mundane because as they say, “Life just sort of happens, and gets in the way.” Work hours may become longer or change, kids come along, issues pop up with family and friends, health may not remain unwavering, individuals start becoming tired, and let’s face it, we all grow older, and our bodies are not once what they were.
All of these factors have the ability to change the dynamics of any relationship.
After you’ve been with a person for a long time things can get “comfortable” and even “predictable.”
You may even be able to finish each other’s sentences… OMG!
Kids can become all engrossing and make their parent’s relationship take a back seat for many years until one day they’re gone, and the parents are staring at each other and thinking… heck, now what? Worse, because the “parent’s relationship” has been secondary to the kids they’ve not recognized they’ve drifted apart in interests and what’s become important to each other.
I’d rather use the term “predictable” than mundane when describing where many relationships end up.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with “predictable.” It says something about consistency and how people treat each other in a relationship. After all the last thing you want is to have an “unpredictable” relationship, right?
You want to feel you know how the other person will act in specific situations and their likes and dislikes. Of course there is a line where if everything is “predictable” then there’s no room for surprises and life then really does become boring.
So let’s see what we can do to reconnect and be a little “unpredictable” and spice things up a bit for your partner, and thereby rekindle the flame without the other person thinking you’ve been abducted by aliens and they stole and replaced your identity!
WAYS TO REKINDLE THE RELATIONSHIP:
Often times it’ll feel like a relationship is growing stale when a couple does the same ole same ole things. When they start doing different things on their own, as an ‘escape’ from their perceived boredom, this may help break up the tediousness of the relationship, but could also lead to them growing further apart!
The key is to try and do things ‘together’ that’ll re-ignite the relationship, even if it means going back to doing those things you did in the beginning, but just differently, or with a little more passion.
The key is to find common ground; you know what attracted you to one another in the first place so revisit those activities.
Staying in a relationship, choosing to love someone, and trying to re-ignite passion is a mindset. If you don’t put your mind to it and invest the time and energy, it just isn’t going to work.
Yes, it takes two to make a relationship work, but often times all it takes is one partner to be the catalyst and start to create the change they want to see in the relationship. The key is, “Are you motivated enough to be that catalyst, and be the change that you want to see?”
If you do your part, your partner will take your lead and eventually be drawn into the positive winds of change and will adapt.
Become a little less predictable in recognizing your partner. By all means celebrate milestones and wins together but the best surprises are when something is done for no particular reason. Buy a card or little gift just to say I love you and care for you.
Take a weekend away so neither of you have to cook or do chores. Choose a place that has some pleasant memories. If money is tight then just have an evening out doing something you haven’t done in a long time but you both once enjoyed doing. Take in a show or if you both enjoyed bowling get out to the lanes!
Of course one night out bowling isn’t going to rekindle the passion. Take small steps but do something every week to show its not a “flash in the pan.”
Leave notes or send texts sharing you know things they like. If you’re generally humorous person make them laugh again.
If you’re trying to get your head into the game and being the catalyst you want to be to create positive relationship change, then hypnosis might be what you need.
Hypnosis can help foster a better mindset, helping you to perceive things in a more positive light, and also ‘cuing’ you to respond more positively and optimistically toward your mate. With that said, your mate will start behaving and treating you differently because they’ll perceive that the dynamics have changed and thus become positive.
If the relationship you’re in is important to you but you know there is ground to make up, then be prepared for extra effort as it may take a number of scenarios and time to be taken seriously… but always be sincere and the best you can be and if there is anything still there the flame will ignite. If you want to consider working directly with me on your important relationships through my online or in-office sessions then check out my Special Hypnosis Services Programs.
Using hypnosis to reignite the passion is best done with both in the relationship and to this end this self-hypnosis resource is a session you can both listen to begin to be gardener’s of love. Check the session out here >>>
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES RELATED TO RELATIONSHIPS:
Erika Slater CH
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