How to Be the Best Coach for You – Overcoming Negative Self-Talk

life coaching concept image
How do you think and feel about yourself?

Our THOUGHTS lead to feelings, so you better be careful of the thoughts you’re continually having about yourself or your feel depressed all the time!

Everyone engages in self-talk. It’s that positive or negative voice in your head responding to your in the moment THOUGHT.

In fact, the self-talk (beliefs about yourself) began and were imprinted in your minds when parents and role models, you admired, started saying things about you.

You most likely accepted what they were saying about you as the gospel truth and you’ve gone on to hold this opinion of yourself. In fact, you now ‘coach’ yourself in terms of what you believe about yourself.

The problem is it’s all about the PAST and we project it into the FUTURE. But the Future hasn’t happened and we can’t predict it. All you have is NOW.

What you say about yourself NOW can hold tremendous weight for what happens to you in the FUTURE.



stuck in a rut sign imageIf you think you can (do or achieve something) then you probably can and will, and if you think you can’t (do or achieve something) then you’re probably right again! You see you get to decide your reality.

Did you know that thoughts become things, and those things you focus your attention on usually materialize from a psychological perspective? For example, if you’re always thinking negative thoughts about yourself then there’s a good chance this invades any good feelings you may get from your thoughts.

For anyone to accomplish anything, it begins with an inner belief in their abilities. It’s one thing to identify and accept your limitations, but allowing things you can control to hold you back from achieving your goals can be a pitfall!

NOTE: Just a quick digression on limitations in case you’ve read or studied self-help gurus who say “you can do and be anything you want to be – no limits!” Rubbish! There could be physical and intellectual limits for you setting a world record at the Olympics in the Pole Vault or making a breakthrough in Quantum Physics. But this doesn’t mean you’re a physical or intellectual mess – it just means your physic and brain were meant for some other achievement. All I’m saying is don’t get too wrapped-up in all the guru-speak. Set your goals high by all means.

When you were young, you developed self-esteem based on your self-concept.

Your self-concept is who you believe you are, which in turn comes from the beliefs you have about yourself, often times based on what parents and role models said about you. Your self-esteem is the feelings you hold of yourself based on your self-concept.

If you have a negative self-concept, then you’re more likely to have low self-esteem. If you’ve a positive self-concept, then you’ll have positive self-esteem. For anyone who wants to accomplish anything, it begins with an inner belief in their abilities – self talk.

You see, it’s one thing to identify and accept your limitations, but allowing things you can control to hold you back from achieving your goals based on your self-talk is for all intents “bad coaching!

You need to be the change you want to see in your life and it starts by what you’re telling yourself about YOU.



Clarity- Declutter Your Mind Concept ImageIf you want to be a better coach of your mind (thoughts and feelings) then you’ve got to take control of the THOUGHTS you have.

This means you have to eradicate the negative ones that’ve held you back over the years, or are keeping you ‘stuck’ where you’re at right now.

In order to effectively coach yourself, you need to feel you’re deserving and worthy of being coached. Which of course you are, but many seem to lose sight of this so often based on their history and other’s influence/feedback.

It may seem like a bizarre thing to read, but many people believe they’re not worthy of becoming a better person because they’ve become fixated at a certain point in their lives for so long. It becomes their “default” consciousness.

But this wasn’t the way you were born. You were born with a “default” self-concept of worthiness. It just got contaminated as you went through life.

Furthermore, many others believe they’re too old to change, or too ‘stuck’ in their old ways.

This is all contaminated thinking and with practice it can be reduced and quietened.

Contaminated thinking is when we’re not operating in our natural “default” setting of high worthiness and self-esteem. So, our feelings are contaminated from what Jamie Smart called “Outside-in” thinking, where we perceive the feeling we are having of low self-worth or self-esteem but which is really coming from our past or worry about the future. But this isn’t who we are inside. How can it be?

Catching the feeling and understanding it’s coming from your THOUGHTS in that specific moment allows you to choose to feel what’s inside instead and experience your “default” setting of worthiness.

Self-talk and self-coaching is based on the power of expectation, which first means you have to believe in yourself so you can shed all the “crud” that’s built-up in your self-talk over the years.

Once you do this, positive changes will start showing up in your real life!

Coaching and Mentor Cloud ImageNow I appreciate understanding where the contaminated thinking is coming from is one thing but eradicating it is quite another. Some, once they “get” the understanding is all the insight they need and are off “to the races” so to speak.

But what about the rest of us?

I realize getting to be your own best coach can be a difficult path if there’s a lot of history. Help may be needed. You may need “mentoring” yourself on how to get to be your better coach… and this makes sense.

Seek out somebody who is a good fit for where you want to be. Many hypnotherapists or NLP Practitioners advance into coaching others to become their own coach. Find somebody where the connection works for you and the history you bring to the table. Interview a few before making your final choice.

If you prefer to take the first step towards being a better coach for you using a self-hypnosis product, then check out this session to train your brain to talk to you like a real friend and mentor here >>>



The Little Book of Clarity – Quick Guide to Focus and Declutter Your Mind – Jamie Smart (This is a paid product at Amazon)
Turn Down Negative Self-Talk – WebMD
How to Tame Your Inner Critic
Tips from the Pros: How to Be Your Own Life Coach

Erika Slater CH
Free At Last Hypnosis

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