Anger Management – What to Do When Your Anger Controls You


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Anger can be a symptom of something else…

Do you ever feel like you have one of those days where just the tiniest thing could set you off?

Certain people or situations have a way of driving you over the edge? What happens if you feel like this is happening every day? Perhaps you have an anger management issue?

There are some people whose self-concept is so low they become depressed and stay in that mood/mindset. Some experts would assert that depression is actually anger turned inward. I would agree with this when an individual demonstrates masochistic traits and self-destructive tendencies. Those who display their depression outward and become aggressive may actually be masking their depression with anger. Anger becomes a coping mechanism.

Just as some people use drugs and alcohol to cope, some people use anger.

There are certain qualities to keep in mind when discussing anger and anger management. Firstly, it is a normal emotion  – just like joy, sadness, surprise, etc. Depending on when you get angry and how you react with your anger determines if it is good or bad! Most times, people say and do the most damaging things when they are angry.

Secondly, anger is a secondary emotion. Something must always come before the emotion of anger. Primary emotions are usually stress and frustration. Furthermore, depression is anger turned inward in some cases. People with more passive personalities are more likely to vent anger on themselves and depress over it.

Thirdly, no one can make you angry unless you let them!

Unless you are a puppet or brain dead, you choose to be angry because that is what you like to feel. There is some vested energy or reason you choose to feel angry because it gets you something. Often times this something is sense of feeling in control whereby ironically, most times anger causes people to act out of control.

Fourthly, You must think thoughts which make you angry. Some people truly believe that is it other people who make them angry. Guess what?  You can’t make yourself angry thinking happy thoughts!

Finally, anger becomes a lazy and habituated thinking pattern. The more you think a certain way without challenging things, you will eventually become conditioned to thinking that way. Why do you think some people are angry all of the time? They have conditioned themselves to be that way!

In order to overcome your anger, you must first identify what your triggers are.

Triggers are people, places or things that set you off. Triggers become like well-rehearsed skills or talents. A lot of thought is not put into censoring or controlling them through repeated use. You have to know what makes you angry first before you can actually implement a method to reduce it, distract yourself from it, or modify the feeling and response to your anger. With clients I highly recommend keeping a trigger/anger tracking journal.

Right down whenever you are angry throughout the course of the day. What was happening around you that made you angry? Who was involved? Most importantly, what were you feeling besides anger? The key is to identify the triggers for your anger and then the primary emotions you were feeling that led to anger. And these primary emotions are created by self-talk – what were you telling yourself?

The key to dealing with anger management is first accepting you have a problem with anger  and then identifying your triggers – what sets you off! Once you can accomplish this, you can find an anger management strategy that works for you.

Start to get rid of your anger issues with assistance from this MP3 session here.

Dr Peter
Staff Writer
Free At Last Hypnosis

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