Low self-esteem undermines the ability to communicate effectively, rationally and assertively.
As a parent or guardian our own self-esteem impacts greatly those for whom we care. While we may not want to hear it, a child’s low self-esteem can be a direct cause of our interactions with them. If you stop and think about it, this makes all the sense in the world.
YOUR IMPACT AS A PARENT:
When you’re a parent who communicates from a position of low self-esteem, using anger to mask your own inferiority, you’re acting out on your own perceived short-comings as a person/parent and instilling qualities that’ll manifest low self-esteem in your children.
To some degree, we all go through bouts of doubt in ourselves and low self-esteem.
A string of misfortunes at our job or life, financial crisis that seem to pile up all at once, all these can leave us feeling depressed or that we just can’t seem to get a break. Some folks are more resilient than others – again a reaction as much learned through our life events growing up as it is a personality trait.
Most of us find ways to adapt and modify our self-concept or self-worth so we can feel good again. Unfortunately, too much of it rubs off on your own kids as we work through these periods!
THE IMPACT OF DEPRESSION AND ANGER:
There are some people whose self-concept is so low they become depressed and stay in that mood/mindset for long periods. Some experts would assert depression is actually anger turned inward. I would agree with this when an individual demonstrates masochistic traits and self-destructive tendencies.
But those who display their depression outward and become aggressive may actually be masking their depression with anger. And this is a step that can eventually lead to abuse of those around them such as a spouse or kids.
Anger becomes a coping mechanism. Just as some people use drugs and alcohol to cope, some people use anger. This becomes their vice! Is it any wonder that rates of bullying in kids are so high? Show me a bully at school and I’ll show you a kid who I’ll wager has a struggling home life.
Today so many children are “depressed“, angry or turning to drugs and violence as a way of coping or fitting in because they’re learning it from their angry parents/households!
THE IMPORTANCE OF QUALITY INTERACTIONS WITH KIDS:
Some studies assert the average amount of time that parents spend talking with their kids each day is somewhere between 2 1/2 to 6 1/2 minutes!
Moreover, most of this time is spent giving kid orders, or chastising them for not doing something properly.
The key thing you need to remember is that effective, open, assertive communication with your children is important for not only the relationship you have with your kids, but also to the future of your child’s psychological health.
Speaking with your kids, trying to understand them and their emotions, and encouraging your children to come to you to discuss anything helps remove negative conflict from familial relationships. Moreover, it creates mutual respect and empathy, while fostering a healthy family environment.
Interestingly, when you engage your children assertively and empathetically, you not only enhance your relationship with your children, you also learn to improve your own self-esteem!
A BETTER PATH:
Up to this point I realize I may have made you feel like a bad parent and the cause of all your child’s misfortune for the rest of their lives, but the truth is none of us is a perfect parent – I have three boys and I’m not “throwing any stones” your way!
Our kid’s self-esteem is impacted by many environments and not just at home.
School plays a significant role and high-school can be brutal on our kid’s self-worth, especially if your child is seen as different.
Our kids can also pick friends that are less than ideal for a variety of reasons, and you’d not be the first parent to point out to your kid that one of their friends is a bad influence on their life, and could “get them in trouble.”
However, it’s true the biggest impact on their self-worth growing-up is us – their parent or guardian. And I hope by now you agree our own self-esteem is a factor in what they think about themselves.
So, let me be blunt. How are you managing your own self-esteem?
Perhaps you need some work on it. Perhaps you’ve negative habits and self-talk that you’re projecting onto your children.
Hypnosis can help you to identify and change negative scripts that you may continuously be using with your kids and replace them with optimal scripts that’ll help you reach your children more effectively.
Over a period of time your mind tends to respond the same way to experiences and situations, as your kids may very well be your catalyst in how you react to them – just in case you thought your child “is a little angel” – they’re not! They know your buttons to push!
Hypnosis can help you to reframe how you perceive your kids and help ensure you communicate and respond in more productive manners.
Check out the resource here for a self-esteem booster for yourself >>> and in addition if you feel your child will enjoy listening to stories then this session teaches self-esteem directly to kids by using powerful stories here >>>
Let me know if you enjoyed this article or how you think it could be better.
Erika Slater CH
Free At Last Hypnosis
North Grafton, MA